AM I STILL STUCK IN MY PAST?

here’s an excerpt from my journal.  This entry dates back to 2008.  I came across this message going thru my STUFF.

**********************

i’m not sure if I told you, but I’m a combat vet. In 2008, I deployed to Iraq with 128INF 84 FSC to Mosul, Iraq (the final stronghold for major terrorists activity)….key words: convoy, VBIED, small arms fire, left leg blown on impact…..NOW, PTSD.

You, Richard, are the only person that knows THIS about me……after coming back from Iraq, all soldiers got evaluated for PTSD. I told the doctors that I was good to go….fine…..no mental issues. Little did I know that THIS shit is what’s plaguing my lifestyle NOW…….HOW FUCKING STUPID COULD I BE TO REFUSE MENTAL HELP…..ohh, becuz at the time, THEY WOULD SEE ME AS WEAK…..AND FUCK THAT!!! I was a FUCKING GOOD 50 CAL GUNNER!!!!! THE BEST.

…the transition from mil to civ was AND STILL IS the hardest transition for me, personally…..here’s a little background. When I returned back from IZ, I came up on re-enlistment. At the same time, I was ammo handler, squad leader of 5 soldiers. Training other soldiers to be able to take care of High Ball 5.56mm rounds, CS-47 Gas, and other lethal munitions, I always put the welfare of others before my own needs. I knew that I needed to re-enlist if I wanted to stay in the mil. No help from my PSG, who was a BLACK GUY, BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER….FUCKING NIGGER…..LIAR……HE DIDN’T GO TO WAR WITH US…..SO, HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW HOW MY SQUAD SHOULD FUCKING BE……..BITCH, YOU DON’T KNOW ME OR MY SQUAD!

As time was getting closer to my re-enlistment, I missed the time frame to do so. I plead, follow protocol down to the fucking T, did anything and everything to have them keep me in the mil. I WAS DENIED!! Dept. of The ARMY stated “we are over strength in your MOS. We have to cutback personnel.”

THIS REALLY PISSED ME OFF!!!! To be honest with you, I wanted to kill….
so, amongst all of this, I still had to clear the ArMY, turn in gear, end process with ALL THOSE FUCKKING S-SHOPS. Finance, Dental, Security Clearance, etc… AND AT THE SAME TIME…..find a place to live, find work, register with school…….WITHIN 3WEEKS OF LEAVING ARMY FOR GOOD!

….AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

NOW, HOW IS THIS A SMOOTH TRANSITION INTO THE CIV., AFTER BEING IN THE MIL FOR OVER 6YRS. (I WAS WELL DISTINGUISHED, DECORATED, AIRBORNE, HAZMAT, AMMO, AND ALSO A GREAT LEADER…..ALL THAT FOR THE ARMY….AND THIS IS THE PAY…

(what you’ve just read happened around July/August 2010)

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